the THIRD coffee

HOW DID I END UP HERE?

It was a typical van der Merwe Sunday afternoon featuring some slight overindulgence when (long-story-short) we decided to commit to running the Two Oceans Ultra Marathon…  

And so, on the 5th of April 2025, I checked off an item from my bucket list that had only made its way on there as a result of one-too-many glasses of bubbly and a shitty commitment… Ah MCC, the bottle of courage we never knew we needed.  

SHITTY COMMITMENTS CALL FOR SERIOUS PREP:

My 13-week preparation officially kicked off in January 2025 and, ever-so-enthusiastically, followed the official Two Oceans Ultra Marathon training programme to run sub 5 hours…

Little old me quickly realised that I am way out of my depth. If you know me, you’ll know I tend to overestimate my abilities, and this was a stellar example.

I adapted the programme ever-so-slightly to accommodate for the fact that I’m no natural endurance freak. And so, my training sessions consisted of mostly regular runs during the week (consistency is key), followed by long runs over most weekends.

One of my intentional strategies (and potentially most brutal strategies) was to incorporate hills into both my weekly runs, as well as my long runs. Remember, the average elevation gain per kilo on race day sits at around 18m/km, so your training should either match or exceed this.

We decided on the Pretoria Balwin Marathon as our qualifying marathon (to qualify for the Two Oceans Ultra Marathon, you are required to complete an official marathon in sub 5 hours before the cutoff date, typically start of March).

HOLY SMOKESHOW.

I crossed the finish line of this brutally hilly marathon in scorching Pretoria heat with a time of 4:52 (leaving only 8 minutes to spare) and was quite literally put on a drip and ushered to the hospital in an ambulance after the race.

Commitment, am I right?

Let’s just say, I went through the most, so you don’t have to. These are the valuable lessons that that race taught me:

• Go pee if you need to pee. Unless you’re gunning for 1st place (in which case, you shouldn’t be taking advice from me) the 2mins in the loo will mean a lot more than the time saved if you skip it.

• It’s incredibly far, so it’s imperative that your nutrition and hydration game on race day is sorted. I only took 3 gels during the marathon and, well, look where that got me. Water can make or break your race. I’m no expert, but I would lean towards taking at least one plastiek-sakkie water at each station.

• Eat right and don’t change your habits before race day. You do not want to run with an uncomfortable stomach. So I’ve heard.

BORING! TELL US ABOUT THE TWO OCEANS ULTRA MARATHON!

Fine, on to the actual race.

If for whatever crazy reason you are planning on signing up for the Two Oceans Ultra Marathon, here are my short-hand notes if you’re an average runner with big dreams (that is if you’re not chasing any particular time and merely there to enjoy it or finish it with your dignity intact):

• In my opinion, chasing a time is overrated if it’s your first attempt at this race. My mental burden was really lifted when I decided to “take-it-as-it-comes” as opposed to basing my success on running a particular time. (We were pacing to run somewhere around 6 hours, but the ultimate goal literally shifted to finishing the race without being cut off).

• The race starts off quite boring (if I’m being real). I would say the first 28ish kilos are flat, easy and quite meh. However – I do think it’s important not to fall victim to running this too quickly, because many say the race only starts at the 28km mark (I agree). Be sure of your strategy for the first 28km.

• Chapman’s Peak – I expected the climb to be more challenging, but this was actually quite manageable, and the views are extremely underrated (by this I mean that you will quite literally want to cry at the beauty of it). Take it in, enjoy the views, and keep on running.

• Post-Chappies – after conquering the first climb of the day, your legs will feel it. I decided to do a quick shake out and stretch before continuing all the while taking in the views! Look out for the cameras – it’s TV time!

• Constantia Neck is SEVERELY UNDERRATED. Good Lord, this is a steep stretch of land. I decided to do a classic “1min run, 1min walk”, but many people approach this differently. I would suggest pacing such that you are able to walk up the entire way. You won’t be alone. It’s brutal. Keep on praying all the way.

• After conquering Constantia Neck, you are going to feel on top of the world (DESERVINGLY SO!), but you still have a good few kilos to go. Time to run on mental strength – remember your WHY!

• The vibe on this race is unmatched! I nearly cried three or four times (cries of joy), and even though your body hates you, you’ll love yourself! Use the cheers of the crowds to keep your chin up.

• Water points are, quite disappointingly, shitty. Be ready to wait and try not to get impatient or rude. Can’t have it all, I guess. I took three cups at each station – two to drink, and one on my head to be dramatic.

• Potatoes were the heroes of the day. It really helps to eat one or two (or more) during the race (especially before or after the big climbs). Watch out for them – not all of the stations have them.

• Wear your medal the entire day, and the next day when supporting the 21km runners. You might think you look like a pompous ass, and you do – but rightfully so!

FINAL TAKEAWAYS:

• Make sure your nutrition, gels and hydration strategies are sorted.
• Incorporating hills into all your training days will go a long way. Trust.
• Plan your pacing strategy, but don’t be too tough on your time (unless obviously you are set on achieving a particular goal).
• Allow time for walking up Constantia Neck when doing your planning, you’ll be grateful that you did.
• Do at least one tough marathon before the race. You can always do another marathon for a faster qualifying time, but it is important for your legs to get used to hills.
• Shammy cream is your friend if you’re prone to chafing.
• Lastly, but probably most importantly – beware of the cat-eyes on the road and be careful when using the sidewalks. I’m dead serious – people literally fall over all the time during the race. Be intentional not to run on the lines on the road or on the sidewalk! Read that again.

My race day pacing:

Click here for my race day stats!

My actual training programme: